Ok, so, here’s the skinny on why i’m going to call this Hell Week, just in case you are wondering. A few days ago Chrispian, my hubby, started having this sharp pain in his left shoulder. Sort of under the collar bone thingy. It got to hurting pretty bad so we went to see the family doctor and she said that she wasn’t 100% sure what it could be but it sort of sounded like a possible blood clot or maybe just a pulled muscle/tendon and that if the pain came back to go to the emergency room for a CT Scan. Our doctor couldn’t give one without 3 days notice due to some crappy changes with out insurance, but if the ER did the scan then they would pay. *eye roll* So, I checked on him a couple times during the night just to make sure he was ok but he woke me up around 8:30 asking for me to drive him to the ER. (Of course I will! lol ) So, off we go! We didn’t have to wait that long to be seen, thank God, and had the funniest little doctor tend to us. His foot was broken so instead of trying to limp around on it or use crutches he had this sort of wheelchair type thing he just rested his leg on. Imagine a tall scooter you have to put your knee on. lolol Anyways, we get the CT Scan done and there is no blood clot, BUT there are some “nodules” in the upper lobe of the left lung. Yikes! I know! Well, we have since made an appointment with a lung specialist so we’ll meet with him Friday to see what’s what I guess. I’m not too worried though. Chrispian had asthma when he was younger so I think these “nodules” are just scar tissue from that. It’s hard not to worry though.

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.”

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status. Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?”

The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

1) Did you fart?
Cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
Cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can’t hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
Cuz I’d like to check you out.

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
Cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you an I were Squirrels,
I’d store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty’s only a
light switch away.

Man – “Fat Penguin!”
Woman – “WHAT?”
Man – “I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.”

9) I know I’m not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room.

11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til
afternoon.

and…. the best for last!

13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.