OK. So, I went and had my CT Scan Tuesday and what a *fun* time that was. :29: First off I was supposed to drink this nasty chalk-like contrast starting at 6:30am and then ANOTHER one at 7:30am. I’ll be a big girl and admit that I am an absolute sissy when it comes to drinking or eating anything remotely gross. I just can’t do it! I’ll gag or puke and I KNOW that most of it is just in my head but that still doesn’t matter. My stomach still wants to hurl out whatever vile thing I just put into it. So, I really didn’t “drink” all that I should have. I say that a little is better than none, right? Don’t you agree? Better to drink a little than drink and then puke up all that you just had.

Anyways…

I get there and they call me back to put the IV in. If you know me then you KNOW how absolutely petrified of needles I am. I mean, I bawl and bawl like a little baby! It’s so embarrassing. :9: Well, I have TINY veins that roll and blow out a lot so I always try to warn the nurse and show her/him where to poke so that I don’t have to get poked again. Of course they never listen, blow a vein, and have to poke me AGAIN while telling me how I was right. Why can’t they just listen to me the first time? I mean, it’s my body and I believe I know it a little better than they do. I have been with it all my life. :29: Just LISTEN TO ME FROM NOW ON…..PLEASE!

Next i’m taken into the room with the big donut test, that’s what I call it, and hop up on the table. The technician guy was so great. He hooked up my IV and helped me get all comfortable and he didn’t make me feel like I was just another body to be scanned. I was a person. :1: I think I might mail him a Christmas card for that! About 1/2 way through he comes in and gets on to me for not drinking ALL of the nasty chalk-like contrast and I told him I could try to chug one if he wanted. He said no and we continued on. When it was over I was told that I would also have to have a chest x-ray. Well, THAT is the easy one! Let’s just say that I got an F on my contrast drinking abilities and an A+ on my x-ray exam. :3:

Now comes the awful part, the WORST part. I have to wait to get my results. I called my doctor yesterday afternoon and my nurse told me that the doctor hadn’t looked at my results yet but she will make sure he does and then she will call me tomorrow, now today, and let me know. So, what do I do in the meantime?? Sleep like any normal person would do?? I don;t know if I can! I mean, when she calls me she will basically be telling me if I am cancer free or NOT. This phone call will change my life…. AGAIN, and I think it’s already been changed enough. Being told that I have cancer was, well, there is no way to describe it. Now there is a possibility that I have beaten it and I can’t even really understand that. To me I will ALWAYS have cancer. If these test results say it’s gone I don’t think I can accept that. I know that I will always feel like it is right there around the corner and it’s just waiting for another chance to strike me down. Will that feeling ever go away? Will I ever be able to REALLY enjoy something without looking over my shoulder?? God, I hope so.

Well, i’ll let you know the minute I hear from the doctor. Keep your fingers and toes crossed, and anything else you can cross as well. A prayer or two might not hurt either. :63: