My friends and family are always sending me funny e-mails filled with jokes, funny pictures, or the religous crap. ***Just let me go on record saying that I HATE the religous crap. I’m just not a very religous person. Besides, your religous beliefs are YOUR buisness, not mine.*** SO, I got these funny lists in my e-mail today and they cracked me up so much that I though i’d just share them with you. :71:

The first one….

15 Things to do at WalMart while your spouse/partner is taking their sweet time:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they aren’t looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, ‘Code 3’ in housewares….. and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.
6. Move a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna Look” using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say “PICK ME! PICK ME!”
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!”
And last, but NOT least…
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a few minutes and then yell very loudly, “HEY, THERE IS NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!”

The second one…

Cats versus dogs:

Dogs get the newspaper for you.
Cats look at you like you can’t read.

Dogs are happy to see you when you come home.
Cats say “Where the hell you been?”

Dogs run to the food dish and eat whatever is there.
Cats look at you and say “You want me to eat THAT?”

Dogs get your slippers for you.
Cats sleep on your slippers.

Dogs rescue people from burning buildings.
Cats get stuck in trees.

Dogs can track people through the woods days after
they ran through.
Cats refuse to wear a leash.

Dogs can be trained to help blind people.
Cats refuse to help anybody.

Dogs can be used to sniff out drugs in airports, cars,
houses, etc.
Cats are good at smelling out things they want to EAT.

Dogs are man’s best friend.
Cats MIGHT let you be their friend.

Dogs will protect your house from burglers.
Cats will watch the burgler… “Hey… you forgot the
jewlery, stupid…”

Dogs love you.
Cats love themselves.

Dogs come running when you call their name.
Cats look at you like… “You know… we need to talk
about this dumb name you gave me…”

Dogs are always there when you need them.
Cats are busy doing something more important.

Dogs are servants.
Cats are arrogant snobs.

So… which to I prefer?

Cats or dogs?

Cats, of course.

Why, you ask?

Cats poop in a box.

Leave your dog alone at home for a couple days,
sometime, pal….