Apr 04

I Wish

posted in Cancer Sucks! on 04/04/05 at 09:04 PM

I was up late the other night and having my last smoke before I started to get ready for bed when I got very depressed all of a sudden. I had a doctor appointment the next day and I know that’s what did it. See, a few days earlier I had an appointment that I thought was going to be nothing. It urned out to be the worst day of my life so far. I just don’t even want to talk about it! So, I was scared that this appointment would be something horrible as well. I started crying and thinking some crazy thoughts. I decided that maybe if I wrote what I was thinking down then it would help. Be theraputic in some way I guess. Anyways, here is what I was thinking…

I WISH.

I wish I was healthy.
I wish I was stronger.
I wish I was happy.
I wish I was corageous.
I wish I was more than I am.
I wish I was calmer.
I wish I was tougher.
I wish I was brave.
I wish I was younger.
I wish I was hopeful.
I wish I was not crying.
I wish I was in no pain.
I wish I was done with this.
I wish I was not me.
I wish I was not depressed.
I wish I was more mobile.
I wish I was not nautious.
I wish I was comfortable.
I wish I was smiling.
I wish I was able to laugh.
I wish I was not suffering.
I wish I was not a burden.
Sometimes…
I wish I was dead.

6 Responses to “I Wish”

1 Penelope Says:

Aeryn – I want you to know that I keep a look out for new posts here to see how it goes with you and Chris. You are never far from my thoughts and .. well .. I wish I could say prayers but I don’t pray. Let’s just say you have my strongest thoughts right now.

There’s a TV spot up here which begins with a small boy swinging a slings (like David) and the camera pans out to reveal a multitude behind him swinging their slings too. It makes me think of you. Believe it – there are many of us out there swinging hard and long for you.

I’m glad you keep posting. I’ll keep checking.

Pen

2 andrew Says:

I wish you were feeling better. Hope everything is progressing well, no matter how hard it may be. Oh and if you feel naseous you probably shouldn’t play wipeout!

3 Aeryn Says:

Andrew:
HAHAHAHAHA! I love the skateboarding game. =] I completely SUCK at it. I can’t control the little freak on wheels but that’s what makes it so much fun. Chris *loves* Wipeout. =] He is totally addicted to it. =] Thanks again!

Penelope:
Thank you so much for all of your thoughts. I am not a person that prays either so I completely understand. =] Thank you for caring enough to check up on me. =] It means alot!

4 Darren Says:

wow thats an amazing poem – thanks for the glimpse in your mind – hoping that writing it helped somehow.

5 Jef Nordstrom Says:

Aeryn,

You don’t know me. I don’t know you. But I read about you on Chris’ website. I hope that you ‘get well soon’, as the saying goes. I will be praying for your speedy recovery.

6 Nae Says:

Hey Aeryn,
"I wish" list, will soon be one you can check off about the things you’ve conquered, so keep it as a point of reference. I am so looking forward to what you will be writing when you have kicked this thing. Thinking of you.

Nae

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